Happy Anniversary to Us

Each year on the day my calendar tells me its January 18th, I know that Derek and I have closed another chapter on the book that is our marriage.

Chapter One: Who knew it would begin like this? When Derek proposed in December of 2002, visions of a crisp fall wedding with chocolate colored bridesmaids dresses and rich reds and oranges danced in my head. Oh...and the honeymoon- I'd never been to a tropical island before...I couldn't wait for the life I'd always dreamed of to unfold. Little did we know that less than a month later we would be married. 2 weeks after that he would be sent to Fort Stewart and 2 months after that he would be on a plane to Iraq. So much for a honeymoon.

People that know me usually know that part of the story. What they don't know is how two people fell apart in a Holiday Inn hours before deployment. How there couldn't have been enough tissues or toilet paper to dry the tears or wipe the noses that belonged to two broken hearts. I thought that I would crumble under the weight of the grief. The thought of never seeing this man again was almost more than I could bare...but bare it I did.

The truth is, that my journey as a "war bride" was the one that lead me straight to a deeper, more meaningful relationship with my heavenly Father. Friends and family kept me busy during that year, but my true strength came from the Lord.

Years later I know that Derek got deployed so that my soul could be saved. I was baptised at the age of 6 and always knew there was a God. I had prayed, and sinned, and prayed, and sinned...and so on. I spent my college years chasing self worth from what others thought of me- awards and recognition never could do the trick.

It wasn't until I felt that I had nothing, that I gained it all. While Derek was overseas I threw myself into studying God's word. As He revealed Himself to me, I went through a phase of self-discovery and finally realized that I am a daughter of The King, I was sent here for a purpose and that the only way to true joy and happiness is through Jesus Christ.

The night before Derek was deployed, I got on my knees and begged God not to take him. I begged and I cried out- why now, Lord? Now all I can do is fall on my knees before Him and thank Him. THANK YOU, LORD! You took away my husband so that I would find You.

When my grandfather died in my presence that year, it wasn't my husband's shoulder I cried on. Instead I cried out- THANK YOU, Lord. Thank you for allowing me to be here for my grandmother and to have had the experience of getting to know my grandfather and be with him in the final hours of life. It wouldn't have been that way if Derek were here.

When I found out I was expecting a baby there were no long, giddy talks about the future with my husband's hand on my belly. I couldn't surprise him by wrapping up a pair of booties and offering an impromptu gift. Instead there were heartfelt prayers and long conversations with God about being a good and godly mother.

When I woke up one morning and I thought I was having a miscarriage, my husband wasn't there to hold me or to drive me to the hospital. I had no choice but to give my child to the Lord that day and to trust His plans for my baby.

Year 1 of my marriage will always be special to me. Not because I had the fall wedding of my dreams or honeymooned in an exotic land or made burned dinners and yelled about the toilet seat being up. Chapter 1 of my life with Derek would, in the end, be the one that told the story of a young woman finding the meaning of life- a life intended and given by none other than Jesus Christ.

So, each year, when the calendar tells me its January 18, not only do I recall the day I said "I do" in a snow covered church in Clarkesville, I am reminded and humbled of the year God took my husband away so that I could find true happiness in Christ and love Him forever.