First Day of School

Tate started "Big School" at Clarkesville Elementary on Friday, August 7th. We had open house the day before where we saw his classroom and met his teachers. Tate was excited about it until we walked into the classroom. He clammed up and had the worst grimace on his face. I wasn't prepared for that because he had been talking all summer about being so excited about starting Kindergarten. We took the tour, met his sweet teacher, Mrs. Herrin and her Para Pro. Towards the end of the visit (after a dose of sugar cookies and lemonade from the cafeteria) he began to loosen up and I believe, actually enjoyed himself.

I, on the other hand, cried when we pulled into the driveway of the school, choked back tears during open house and cried...well, more like sobbed all the way home. I kept saying to Derek "I just keep thinking about the day we brought him home from the hospital!"

To be honest, I shocked myself with my reaction to Tate starting school. So many of my other Kindergarten mama friends have been dreading this day for a long time, but I felt mostly happy about it because I knew that Tate was ready and that he would do great. The flood of emotions surrounding this day and this past week have truly caught me off guard.

The morning of the first day, we wanted to make it really special, so Derek got up extra early and made pancakes with whipped cream and cherries on top. The pancakes were a hit and we truly had an enchanted morning without fuss that I will remember for a very long time.

When we got to school, Derek, Britton and I walked Tate in. Before we got to the door Tate said "Let's go ahead and hug now" (before we got too close to the door) and he also decided that he did not want to hold our hands anymore. We were shocked that this little 5 year old who we still sing to sleep at night was trying to be so big...and was acting like he didn't need us anymore! Needless to say, we obliged and let him lead the way to his First Day.

He was a lot happier than the day before when we got to his classroom. He saw a few of his friends and after putting away his backpack and snack, went right to his name on the carpet to take a seat. No tears, seemingly no anxiety- he was where he needed to be and quite comfortable with it.

We left the school with a little less tears than the day before- but still a nagging in our hearts. My sweet friends Nancy & Sarah threw a brunch for all of our Kindergarten-mommy-friends. Looking forward to this brunch is partly what got me through the morning- knowing that I would soon be among women that knew exactly what I was going through- even without saying a word. This brunch was a Godsend, girls.

So, here we are 6 days of Kindergarten later and I am pretty sure that I am over the mourning period. Isn't that what we all want? For our kids to be strong and healthy and emotionally stable enough to be secure and happy when they are away from us? Letting go hurts, but the way it happened this past week...I wouldn't have it any other way.

Then there is little Britton. He started a brand new preschool this week- The Little School. He is there 8-2 on the 4 days of the week that I work. His teacher, Mrs. Desi is precious and I know he is loved and cared for during the day. His first day went great when I dropped him off. Mrs. Desi said that he was quiet during lunch so she asked him what was wrong and he said "I just need someone to hold me."!! Can you believe that? When she told me, I almost lost it...my baby...still needing someone to hold him, and that someone wasn't me...yes, I was flooded with guilt.

The next day he clung to me for about 15 minutes before I could get out of the door. Each day after that has gotten better and better and Mrs. Desi says he is coming out of his shell and making friends. I am so glad. It is Britton that I worry the most about- he is reserved and sometimes it is hard to tell what he is thinking. He is a teacher's dream though and seems to reserve his worst behavior just for me.

Being so close to moving into our house...our situation with the hours I put in at work is temporary I hope. I pray for a solution after the baby is born that works for my family and works for Initials, Inc. I am in prayer that it will all work out.

Gosh, I love my boys. All three of them...Derek has been recovering from surgery that he had Wednesday and is not doing as well as I had hoped. We've had a very emotional past three weeks- 2 surgeries, babies starting school, many, many decisions made about the house, sleepless nights, etc. I hope the rest of August isn't so emotionally exhausting.

Well, I guess its about time I blog about my new adventure as a working Mother. I've been "on the job" for almost a month now and we've pretty much settled into our new routine.



The unofficial start to my day usually begins some time between 3 & 5 am. This is when one or more of my little 'wonders' decides to pile in with Derek and I in the double bed we share in our temporary love nest. After reclaiming my pillow and my fair share of the covers, I'll sleep until I have to officially rise and shine at about 6:45.



The its juice and cereal bar for Britton and the biggest cup o' joe Mommy can find.



Brit watches The Wiggles while I shower and dress. I start waking Tate up around 7:45 and by 8:00 he's (hopefully) munching on a semi-healthy breakfast of Lucky Charms and fresh fruit.



At 8:30 we are out the door and in the car headed for preschool. Our trek to preschool usually includes a winding, rocky back road in which we religiously stop every morning, roll down the windows and "moo" at the cows. It is a happy day when we actually receive a "moo" back from our new brown & white friends.



By 8:50 I am kissing the boys goodbye and trying to escape from the preschool building without getting trapped in conversation by another mother or preschool teacher. (NOT that I do not love to chat- we all know that I do- its just my days of endless chatter are over- at least between the hours of 9 & 5)



9 am finds me pressing the round black button on the Dell Desktop (yes, I do LOVE my commute) then scurrying off to the kitchen for my first cup of Office Coffee- which, thanks to Deidre, ain't half bad!



From 9 until 5 or after, my day is a whirlwind. Meetings, meetings about meetings, conference calls, planning sessions, drafts, phone calls, emails, office banter, etc. Most days I still cannot believe my eyes when my computer screen reveals 4:45 pm. I'm typically out the door by 5, especially when I am the one picking the kids up.



I pull into Sonya's driveway about 5:10 and am greeted at her door by two little happy shorties dying to hug me and tell me about their day.



By 5:30 we're barreling into the front door- all papers, bookbags and juice cups- the boys are running to find their toys, I am flinging my shoes off and putting on PJ's.



Dinner is now around 6 and has been great since we're living with "Gram"- the saintliest woman I know. Sometimes she will cook- sometimes its me- my favorite is leftovers because I don't have to cook and I don;t have to feel guilty about her cooking either.



After dinner I let the boys play outside or in- whichever they choose. Sometimes we will go to our new neighborhood and play tennis and fish. The boys LOVE tennis- and I LOVE to teach them how to play.



7 pm is bath time and after that, if Tate has had a "sunshiny" day- he is rewarded by a 30 minute dose of his favorite cartoon- 'Tom & Jerry'.



8pm is 2 story books and 2 "stories without words" as Tate calls them. The ones without words are what I make up and 9 times out of ten have to do with "Two little boys, a dark cave and a treasure chest". What can I say, usually by this hour my creative juices have run dry. I sing 2 songs (Godspeed & I will be Here), give lots of hugs, snuggles and kisses and then, fingers crossed, I'm out the door.



It is a rare occasion these days that the boys actually stay in bed without being "scared" or "thirsty" or "hungry". Unfortunately, we typically do not see the last of them until around 9- but we're working on this. "Boundaries", Laura- yes, I know!!



So.....what goes on between the hours of 9 & 10 pm??? I'll never tell!!! (I'll give you a little hint- draft paper, square footage and building materials).



If I'm lucky I'm in bed with a book by 10, if I'm being realistic, I'm usually up making sandwiches, packing lunches and getting everything ready for the next day until 11.



Then it all begins again the next day. Same time, same place.



So, that is what I do each day. Now I'll address what you really want to know...how do I feel?



The first week was pretty guilt-free since my children were cared for by a combination of best friends, family and my husband. Life was great really- I gave myself my job during the day, then was "Supermom" at night.

INTERNET INTERRUPTION....my mini novel was just deleted due to connectivity issues...will continue thoughts in a later post...

On this day It is only fitting that I send praise and thanks to the three fathers in my life.

David, my father. The quiet intellectual with a tender heart who was the rock of my childhood. You were the image of strength, composure and patience. You encouraged Independence and life lessons. I understand a little better now, the sacrifices you made for us. I miss the way we used to be. Time and distance is between us but I will always love you.

Derek, the father of my children. The way you melt when you hold our babies and the way you always want to be a better man for me and for them. The way you provide everything we need and so much of what we want. You take your job as father so seriously- the way a Christian man should. Thank you for the guard you let down as you raise our boys to be men who are not afraid to love freely. Thank you for the fishing trips, the vacations and all the fun things we do as a family. You are making our boy's childhood rich with memories and love. Thank you for sharing Jesus with them and being a glimpse of our eternal Father here on earth.

God, the Father and Savior of my soul. The way you tell me "it's all right" when it doesn't seem like it is. The way that you assure me and bring peace to my heart when I am walking in your will. The way you have been so very real to me the last 5 years of my life. I only wish I'd longed for you sooner. The beautiful earth you created for us to enjoy- I am amazed by your beauty daily. You've blessed me with everything I have ever wanted in life. Thank you for giving me eternal life and for giving meaning to my days here on earth.

My cup runneth over...